Sometimes Bill Murray let the Rodent Live…
March 26, 2015
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It is weeks like this with no plans and very few interactions with the outside world that make the commitment of staying at home difficult in the best of times, but brutal if sleep alluded me the previous night. Days can lack stimulation and exist as a perpetual grind. On the one hand I enjoy the time I spend with my son, but on the other I lament the absence of interesting things to think about.
This is the ongoing battle against the dragon I convince myself I’ve slayed during better times, only to have it regenerate from a limb I carelessly left behind from my last conflict, and sometimes it grows stronger than the last. I’m not comfortable labeling myself as unhappy, certainly not globally, but there are parts of myself that I miss.
For the long term all of my pieces will fit; I will build an impressive armor of experience. Pleased I have a collection of rivets waiting to find the appropriate coverings, but sometimes weeks like these without my routine or distraction or even company, maintaining my faith of the things I want so desperately to come are just that much more out of reach.
The challenge is the big picture because so much of my life is moment to moment glazed in foggy recollections of easier times. Next week I will see my friends. And, with each day I am that much closer to other things that will remind me that I am an individual.