A Tale of Two Mommies

…because more seems excessive…

Magnitude

From time to time I think about my delivery and brief stay in the hospital. I close my eyes and try to recall all the feelings and sensations of the process…well, not all of them. Even with an epidural, some of it just isn’t all that pleasant… But, I try to remember the final feeling of him leaving my body with a warm, ticklish “Whoosh,” and those first few moments of his life with us.

I go back earlier in the day and think about the experience. Waking up at almost exactly three in the morning to an internal, “Pop.” I replay those early, groggy curiosities and phone calls to the on-call physician, and the waiting…a lot of waiting. And, while I waited, my husband went back to sleep; how nice to be able to do that. I spent the hours until nine in the morning crocheting and watching the same Law & Order: SVU episodes that kept me company throughout my pregnancy when I didn’t have the motivation to leave the house. The surreal quiet between me and my husband…after he decided he felt rested enough to resume the day… The casual conversations that spoke of our near future, yet avoidance of all the questions elephants held on cue cards in the backseat of the car.

I remember the call to my parents as I was about to enter the second stage of labor, and telling them to fly up in the morning, knowing full well they wouldn’t wait. They missed the first word of their only grandchild’s birth.

I think of the exceptional nurse in the delivery room. I think of my husband who was told to eat before it was too late, only to be called back within fifteen minutes. I recall the sudden onset of intense pain when induced, and the equally sudden relief after the anesthesiologist’s success on his second try. I think of my husband entering the room, expecting to tend to me north of the border, yet was enlisted to hold my leg. I remember him saying, “Such a beautiful baby,” even though he can’t. Then, I was holding him, this exquisite, tiny being who made it known he was not having a good time of things.

I was taken to my room after various hands assisted with things I never imagined would require a team.

My parents taxi to their gate with a voicemail greeting of my son’s birth, and my mom’s elated proclamation that they were on their way to the hospital. Even a year later, I’m not sure how I managed to hold her off until the morning.

I remember all the other nurses whose personalities became more rugged as the shifts progressed, but there was something comforting about the snarkiest one on the overnight shift my second night.

Having brief, but the best night’s sleep I had in months to awaken unable to contain my excitement to see the little person with perfect lips and a sleepy gaze. Looking at my little man’s features as he slept, and wondering if it was okay to hold this sweet little boy who was resting bundled in his Tupperware container with his name printed on the back. The overwhelming memories of holding my son when I was alone in the room, in the quiet. The strangeness of being pregnant mere hours before, and holding him, finally, in my arms. Realizing that my voice alone gave him calm in this new, scary world. Unable to imagine him in the future, but feeling no rush for him to grow.

Now almost a year of firsts have passed, but I think to my first the most. Whoever he is and will become, he forever will be my son.

Advertisements

575 responses to “Magnitude

  1. MLS Store July 13, 2018 at 7:17 am

    Hi there, You have done an incredible job. I will definitely digg it
    and personally suggest to my friends. I am confident
    they will be benefited from this website.

    Like

  2. steem tools June 19, 2018 at 7:29 pm

    Finee way of describing, and fastidious post to
    obtain facts about my presentation topic, which
    i am going to present in academy.

    Like

  3. your phone June 18, 2018 at 8:38 am

    I am actually grateful to the owner of this website who
    has shared this great paragraph at at this place.

    Like

  4. http://www.car-hifi-radio-adapter.eu/ June 18, 2018 at 5:42 am

    I’ve read a few just right stuff here. Certainly price bookmarking for revisiting.
    I wonder how so much egfort you set to create any such excellent
    informative site.

    Like

  5. http://car-hifi-radio-adapter.eu/ June 18, 2018 at 1:30 am

    I’m gone to convey my little brother, that he should also
    pay a visit this web site on regular basis
    to get updated from hottest news update.

    Like

  6. replacing the standard speakers June 17, 2018 at 5:43 pm

    It’s impressive that you are getting ideas from this paragraph as well as from our argument made at this time.

    Like

  7. upgrade that old CD player June 17, 2018 at 1:44 pm

    Hey there! I know this is kind of off topic but I was wondering which blog platform are you using for
    this website? I’m getting sick and tired of WordPress because I’ve had problems with hackers and I’m looking at options for another platform.

    I would be fantastic if you could point me in the direction of a good
    platform.

    Like

  8. listening to quality music June 16, 2018 at 4:41 pm

    What’s up to all, how is everything, I think every one is getting more
    from this web site, and your views are nice in favor of new viewers.

    Like

  9. Internet radio June 16, 2018 at 4:20 pm

    My coder is trying to persuade me to move to .net from PHP.
    I have always disliked the idea because of the
    expenses. But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve
    been using WordPress on several websites for about a year and
    am worried about switching to another platform. I have heard good things about
    blogengine.net. Is there a way I can import all my wordpress posts into it?
    Any help would be greatly appreciated!

    Like

  10. entertainment June 15, 2018 at 3:26 pm

    When I initially commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a
    comment is added I get three e-mails with the same
    comment. Is there any way you can remove me from that service?
    Cheers!

    Like

  11. a good car head unit June 14, 2018 at 7:06 pm

    Hiya! I know this is kinda off topic however I’d figured I’d ask.
    Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest authoring a blog post or vice-versa?
    My website discusses a lot of the same topics
    as yours and I think we could greatly benefit from each other.
    If you might be interested feel free to shoot me an e-mail.
    I look forward to hearing from you! Awesome blog by the way!

    Like

  12. integrated entertainment system June 14, 2018 at 4:30 am

    hi!,I really like your writing so a lot! percentage we communicate more approximately your article on AOL?
    I require a specialist on this space to resolve my problem.
    Maybe that is you! Looking ahead to see you.

    Like

  13. deep throat June 13, 2018 at 9:23 pm

    If you wish for to get much from this piece of writing then you have to apply these methods to your won web site.

    Like

  14. http://www.car-hifi-radio-adapter.eu/ June 12, 2018 at 10:03 am

    Asking questions are genuinely nice thing if you are not understanding
    something entirely, except this article offers nice
    understanding even.

    Like

  15. free download June 10, 2018 at 11:06 am

    Pretty section of content. I just stumbled upon your web site and in accession capital to assert that I
    acquire actually enjoyed account your blog posts.
    Anyway I will be subscribing to your feeds and even I achievement you access consistently rapidly.

    Like

  16. free download June 10, 2018 at 10:36 am

    nice website download free completly.

    Like

  17. free sex porn videos June 10, 2018 at 10:16 am

    Hi, after reading this awesome piece of writing i am as well glad to share my knowledge here with mates.

    Like

  18. free sex porn videos June 10, 2018 at 10:05 am

    It’s impressive that you are getting ideas from this piece of writing as well as from our argument made at this time.

    Like

  19. free sex porn videos June 10, 2018 at 6:04 am

    Hey there! I know this is somewhat off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could locate a captcha plugin for my comment form?

    I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having trouble finding one?
    Thanks a lot!

    Like

  20. free sex porn videos June 10, 2018 at 1:05 am

    Hello There. I found your blog using msn. This is an extremely well written article.

    I’ll be sure to bookmark it and come back to read more of your useful information.
    Thanks for the post. I will certainly comeback.

    Like

  21. african mango diet pills reviews June 9, 2018 at 3:46 am

    Truly wһen someone doeѕn’t know afterward іts up to օther viewers
    that tһey ill assist, ѕo here itt hɑppens.

    Like

  22. free porn sex June 8, 2018 at 7:55 am

    Every weekend i used to pay a visit this web site, because i want enjoyment,
    for the reason that this this web page conations in fact
    nice funny stuff too.

    Like

What are your thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: