May 28, 2015
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Watching my morning news program with the presentation of the Forbes Magazine listings of the most influential and wealthy women in the country. My initial feelings of a hunter green envy merging into awe of having my tangential membership to such an elite group. I wonder their secrets of having such significance among the anonymous billions.
I think to my legacy. I have a little boy who will look to me as the platform of what he can expect of my gender…not nearly as intimidating as raising a little girl. My son will form his impressions independently of my purposeful representations of what I want him to see. He will absorb the moments I forget someone is watching. He will remember the kindness I bestow on others and my gracious acknowledgements of the idiot on the road in front of me who feels that a straight path merits ten miles under the speed limit. My son will learn honesty from my correction of the cashier who gave me too much change, not from telling my mother I don’t like her shoes.
But, beyond the happenstance of events I want my life to reach beyond my family. Right now I live in the moment, and I am lucky to plan my dinner for the next evening, but soon my label as a new parent will tarnish. Time will hold a different meaning, so how will I fill it, and what will my son internalize from my choices?
I want to have the realized ambitions of those remarkable women of whom I only learned a tease of their experiences. Maybe I won’t benefit the same throngs, and that is fine, but I want to influence the greater world in my small way. I am not so morbid as to anticipate my obituary, but I want my son to remember me while I am very much alive as a force affecting my part in brightening the world for others even when no one is looking.