A Tale of Two Mommies

…because more seems excessive…

The “F” Word?

My son clearly understands everything we say, and is waiting for his first word just to mess with us.  Soon he will be eighteen-months, and is a pro at jargon and general babble, but not one solid first word yet.  The last couple of days I’ve seen him with great determination push out the “F” sound.  At random intervals he will look at me with a powerful force of, “Fff…Fff…”  My usual protocol is to repeat his sound back to him, as well as any random word beginning with the letter “F,” although I find it somewhat unlikely his iteration will turn into, “Finally,” “Freelance,” “Formality,” “Fiction,” or “Flatulence,”…just sayin’…  Although an utterance of, “Flatulence,” might prove useful…

Most recently I’ve wondered if he is trying to say, “Food,” which would make me the proudest Mommy on the planet…because what more important word could there possibly be for a Jewish mother?  His capability to pronounce, “Food,” would be the basis for all future tedious ordering at restaurants and general complaining.  I can see it now, all the other Mommies in the Tribe will look enviously as my little man points with derision speaking, “Food,” to anyone who will listen.  It won’t matter that the object he is pointing at is a light fixture.

Tonight, however, he added a new sound to his repetitions of, “Fff.”  No longer is it a lingering unvoiced consonant.  Now, it is a consonant closing with an “uh.”  As I’m holding him he is looking adoringly at me and saying, “Fuh.”  Oh. My. God.  I swear I’ve been much better about my habitual trucker mouth…even in the car…in rush hour traffic…I promise…  In a mild panic I’m considering every possible word with that pattern, but if my son’s first word is, “Fuck,” I think it’s safe to say I’ve managed one of the all time great parenting fails…

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