A Tale of Two Mommies

…because more seems excessive…

Twenty/Twenty Vision

I’ve been confidently predicting for months, possibly longer, that my daughter will arrive early.  This final trimester has been grandly terrible on many levels, diabetes aside, so maybe my proclamations are more wishful thinking.

My son was about a week-and-a-half early, and the Warrior Queen’s belly benchmarks have been about three to four weeks ahead of his, particularly her movements.  This began my ponderings of her arrival as early as fourteen weeks.

I’m thirty-seven weeks in a day, and I’ve been increasingly confident that this will end very soon, but, again, wishful thinking perhaps turning more urgent?  The last two days, however, give me pause to think about her near future; I’d been telling myself her likely arrival would be in the thirty-eight week realm.  Now I wonder if it’s sooner.  The interesting thing about labor is that it is really something only confirmed once it occurs.  That said, with my son I had suspicions when I experienced a day of odd movements that he would be arriving soon…My water broke at three in the morning, less than twenty-four hours later.  What is happening right now is not so distinct, but maybe it is.  We’ll see.

The Warrior Queen has been in position for a long time now, and been attempting with great fervency to push through my belly.  Two days ago the same pushing was occurring at the very floor of my pelvis…quite comfortable naturally…  That first day of oddity was the longest and most consistent duration of this intense heavy pushing downward; it continues to occur, but yesterday wasn’t as persistent or enduring throughout the day.  Then there is the cramping.  A good amount of it two days ago and yesterday morning.  The rest of the day it was absent.  Cramping for the second day colors the picture of the sensation as a three in the morning experience, how lovely…I didn’t need sleep anyway…

Most interestingly has been the change in Little Man’s behavior the last two days.  He’s always been impressively perceptive even at two-years-old, so I wonder if he senses something.  My son is a toddler, so tantrums are par for the course, but his morning meltdowns before we leave the house have had a different feel.  The rest of the day tantrums are odd as well.  Historically they predictably occur when he is tired; silly, impulsive behavior that prompts me to sigh with annoyance, especially when all I can think about is a snack or lunch.  There are others when he is frustrated, but there isn’t anything that befuddles me.  My bewilderment with his tantrums are more due to the intense nature of his abhorrence for small, random things that pass as suddenly as their onset.  The last two days my son has been destructive whenever we are alone, and he is angry unlike anything I’ve seen from him.  He’s started hitting and even scratching me at times when I lift him during a moment of stubborn refusal.  Even when upset he has never been aggressive out of anger; it’s always been an overkill of silliness.  From anger my son will suddenly move to random acts of cuddling and sweetness that surpass his typical gestures.  While consistently loving, the last two days carry with it an increase of spontaneous hugs and snuggling on the sofa that previously only occurred when he was becoming sleepy in the evenings, but even then the behavior was fairly rare.

The moments of sweetness have a certain desperation to them that I have trouble describing.  I retrieved him from a nap, as a sweet example I want to remember; he was inconsolably upset, but adorable in his mismatched jammies and affray hair that is starting to curl because it is getting too long.  We sit on my desk chair and watch recordings of his life’s moments; a favorite of his when he was six-months-old, gregarious laughter because of wind in the autumn trees.  Little Man sat on my lap, laying his head on a bare section of my chest, limbs burrowed in, hands clutching my shirt collar, watching himself on repeated cycles; periodically looking up at me with a wide smile before resuming his position.  He remained in that state for ten minutes, but as uncomfortable as my back felt, I wanted to remain that way forever holding him into me.

My odd, off feeling a couple of days ago transformed into feeling pretty great yesterday, and seems to be continuing today…struggling to breathe aside.  Even with now two days of little sleep, I feel surprisingly energized and awake.

From my appointment yesterday I learned that I am dilated two centimeters, but my walls are still thick; fairly meaningless data.  Labor could come at any time.  My insulin was increased the other day, but my fasting level remained almost too high.  Yesterday I saw the Atlantis of a mid seventies level.  I was told that might be an indication of approaching labor…or a problem with my placenta requiring eventual induction.  Yesterday’s fasting level, however, seems to be a fluke.  This morning the level was in the mid eighties, which is still a good amount lower, but nothing impressive or interesting.

In the end all of these things are the tea leaves I’ve been drinking.  The beautiful thing about it is I’ll know the outcome soon enough…well, maybe not soon enough, but soon.



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