Time Lapse

It’s horrible how unmotivated I’ve been to write, and it’s carried on for the longest time. I started this a little after school began in September…so there is some time lapse. That said, I use this site, in part, as a chronicle of my life. Sometimes I go back to read these pieces so I can rekindle a memory. Other times I think that maybe one day my kids might be interested in getting a glimpse of Mommy as she was adjusting to the kid life change.

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The kids are both in school now, which is so strange. I remember people would tell me about this time when Little Man was a little baby, and it always seemed so far away. I’d been kinda sorta preparing for this time, but not this time specifically. I had my worky plans and I plodded along a certain trajectory that Covid completely dismantled…or it did in a way…a big way, but not a complete way like I would have expected.

I had my plans, most of which I was anxiously excited to be teaching some classes that I wouldn’t have to be creative about because of childcare needs. Covid definitely stomped all over those for the time being. Life is a funny thing, though. I’ve always had some kind of plan, but most of them were me saying yes to whatever task was sent my way. I like learning new things and seeing how things function, so even if something isn’t all that interesting on it’s face, my life philosophy has more or less always been, why not?

It occurred to me some time ago that with all of my political stuff, I’m not terribly grounded in my own local governance. I tend to focus on out of state efforts where rights are more threatened, and while that stuff is important, there really isn’t an excuse for being almost totally disengaged from my own local politics. After all, politics is very local…I know that for everyone else, but apparently not for my own neighborhood…totally unacceptable. I’m volunteering for a town council, which is fine. It brings entertainment and culture-type things to my somewhat rural area. I chose this committee thing because out of the list it’s the one thing I felt I had some degree of competence navigating. That reality has been bothering me for a while now. The bothering, however, doesn’t make me anymore competent in the needs of what’s happening.

Societal exclusion and poverty are the highest correlating factors crime/delinquency, so while I have all of this prison work that I do and focus on greatly, I also try to reach out and participate in things that focus on those two factors. Admittedly it’s a bunch of fly by night stuff. I’m not terribly connected to any one organization or effort. I was attending a town meeting to help represent my own committee and caught that they have trouble filling our housing one. There isn’t an opening now, but this month I started attending this group because they focus on the area of affordable housing. I hope to join when there is an opening, so maybe in a year?

It’s only been one meeting so far. I’m pretty sure I understand what’s going on, but it’s definitely a learning curve. It’s interesting. I can also say that this area is completely out of my wheelhouse. I have not one crumb of expertise for this, but maybe by the time I’m able to be part of this committee I’ll be more useful. In the meantime, I plan to listen…a lot…a lot a lot.

I’m not really sure what the issues is exactly, but phonebanking has required too much concentration for me to do for a while now, so I’m switched over to textbanking. No real campaigns at the moment, so I’ve been doing a weekly gig for the Equality Act through the Human Rights Campaign and the occasional assignment for voting rights through Fair Fight. Those have been going well enough; I’ve noticed that my ability to handle the different types of banking fluctuates quite a bit. I’ve had to try to tell myself that changing it up isn’t a moral failing or a absconding of responsibility. Sometimes things are just too much at any given time, and it’s perfectly acceptable for change things up as I periodically need to.

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And things have continued to this day. My textbanking is hit or miss. I phonebanked for the Virginia gubernatorial race for the home stretch, and managed it well enough. I think I managed six or eight shifts? I can’t remember. Generally, though, I can only handle about 30 minutes of an autodialer format, so all of those shift commitments aren’t as impressive as they sound. I had a ton of guilt for a while that I didn’t do enough for that race. I just couldn’t get my act together until the end.

And while all of that was going on, my kids are doing their kid thing…enjoying school. Warrior Queen comes home from Kindergarten with all sorts of tales that I’m pretty sure didn’t happen. That’s her bag; telling stories. She isn’t lying so much as she is creating her own little world in her head. I used to do that as well, though with my psychiatric profile it probably held a different prodromal meaning, even when I was young. There is still a lot that professionals need to learn about people in my diagnostic category. But regardless, Warrior Queen is like me in that regard…loves her stories, loves her internal world. I try not to tamper with and discourage it too much. What she is doing was my primary coping skill for most of my life. Even now I use writing as a way to organize my thoughts, even when I’m writing fiction…that’s actually a thing, apparently. Any kind of writing is grounding for people with psychotic disorders. I’m don’t necessarily think Warrior Queen has inherited this part of me, at least I hope not. As proud as I am of my own accomplishments and what I’m capable of because of my neurodivergence, it would be hard to watch either of my kids travel a path similar to mine. It’s just so hard all the time. And scary as well…I’m always afraid. But in the meantime I love my daughter’s stories. They are mostly amusing…when I can follow them. Good luck getting actual information from her. Her health class has been covering “bus safety” for months now.

Not too much to say about Little Man in the second grade. He’s doing well. His brain amazes me. In some ways he’s so like me, but in other ways so not. He’s cracked open his first 1,000 piece puzzle…a Star Wars thing. He’s both into and not all that interested in Star Wars, but I guess the puzzle held some kind of appeal for him. So, he’s been tinkering with it on the floor of our living room that houses an elliptical, a random sofa, and nothing else. It’s actually kinda cool doing my exercise and having him on the floor next to me. Puzzle pieces surrounding him like some kind of oddly shaped snow angel. I’m still not sure how he can put together pieces so efficiently; his brain is an interesting place.

I still owe a gratitude post. I’m grateful for much, but I’m having trouble getting thoughts together for a reason I don’t understand. In the meantime, I’m finally publishing this piece that’s been languishing for months…I guess that’s something…